Thursday, November 17, 2005

Great Minds Think Alike

A Dialogue on My Startling Intellectual Resemblance to Justice Antonin Scalia

GLEN: Sydney Carton of Aggressive Conservative makes an interesting point about my post on Roe V. Wade.

SOCRATES: I would be most grateful if you would share it with us.

ALCIBIADES: As would I. Regale us, please.

GLEN: He points out that Scalia raised similar objections in his dissenting opinion in Planned Parenthood V. Casey. So, we kind of think alike. Which I thought was cool.

SOCRATES: Ha ha ha.

ALCIBIADES: Ha ha ha ha.

GLEN: Well, you can laugh all you want to, but there are ... you know, points of congruence, and stuff.

SOCRATES: Points of congruence. Ha ha ha ha.

ALCIBIADES: Ha ha ha ha ha.

SOCRATES: I wonder if Antonin Scalia also got his head caught in a shoe rack when he was a child.

ALCIBIADES: It must be so, Socrates, for how could it be otherwise, when there are so many points of congruence? Ha ha ha ha.

SOCRATES: Wait a minute, wait a minute! Isn't Antonin Scalia on the list of "People Whose Shoes Glen is Not Fit to Lick"?

ALCIBIADES: I seem to recall that he is, indeed. But as you yourself are the author of that monumental work, I defer to your superior scholarship on the matter.

SOCRATES: Alas, no. It is often mistakenly attributed to me, but the list was actually compiled by Heraclitus when he was scamming grant money from the MacArthur Foundation. I merely wrote the introduction to the Esperanto edition. Would you be so kind as to hand me the first volume? We must consult the text at once, for if Scalia is on the list, the theory that he and Glen were separated at birth will stand refuted.

ALCIBIADES: And once again philosophy will be indebted to Socrates.

SOCRATES: Let's see ... Number One, Jeff Goldstein. Number Two, Bon Scott.

GLEN: Bon Scott?

SOCRATES: Number Three, the guy who played "Potsie" on Happy Days.

GLEN: Bon Scott? Are you talking about the guy from AC/DC who choked to death on his own vomit?

SOCRATES: Number Four, Antonin Scalia!

ALCIBIADES: Hah! Hah! Busted!

GLEN: [Expletive deleted]

SOCRATES: It was a beautiful dream while it lasted, wasn't it?