Thursday, September 22, 2005

Why Roe V. Wade Must Be Overturned, Encased in Lead, and Sunk to the Bottom of the Marianas Trench

There to Lie Forever Among Tubeworms and Busted Russian Submarines

Enough is enough is bloody well enough.

Let us leave aside the merits or demerits of the legal reasoning in Roe. Leave aside the moral objections and rationalizations of abortion, of judicial activism, of settled law, of reproductive rights, of stare decisis and lex idioticus ad infinitum. None of these things are relevant to the present discussion.

The salient point is this: Roe V. Wade has had a disastrous and insidious effect on the highest judicial process in the country. It has hijacked an entire branch of the United States government, which means we only have two left. It has reduced all public discussion of constitutional law to one word: ABORTION. The grand legacy of John Marshall, John Jay, and Oliver Wendell Holmes is now represented by a single lump of tissue: ABORTION. The evolution of judicial thinking in the greatest nation on earth has been stopped dead by ABORTION. The vitally important democratic function of reviewing and choosing suitable candidates for the greatest court in history has been gruesomely hewed down to a single splinter: ABORTION. Blind-folded Justice is almost mute; she can only croak the word ABORTION.

Socrates, what is truth? ABORTION. Conan, what is best in life? ABORTION. What's the atomic weight of Germanium? ABORTION. What is the very meaning of existence itself - what single word breaks the silence of those infinite spaces that filled great Pascal with dread? ABORTION, ABORTION, ABORTION, ABORTION, ABORTION.

Like I said, enough of this monomaniacal cretinism. Enough already.

This one-note ukulele again played incessantly during the present confirmation process, which was all about Roe V. Wade [ABORTION]. Griswold V. Connecticut made a comical cameo appearance, but not even anti-Catholic bigots (well-represented among Roberts critics) are silly enough to believe that Roberts is going to confiscate all the prophylactics. Invoking Griswold was just an amateurish McCarthyite tactic intended to point the finger at Roberts' religion: i.e., to remind everyone that Roberts is a Catholic who might be insufficiently enthusiastic about ABORTION. So unenthusiastic, in fact, that he might overturn Roe V. Wade, even in defiance of the Pope. (So far as liberals are concerned, the Pope is Mario Cuomo.)

Hillary Clinton, the Karma Chameleon of the "New" Democratic Party, has turned the same old tacky color in this debate: She can't support Roberts' nomination because his "failure" to answer questions about [ABORTION] make him unfit to stand as a guardian at the constitutional Shrine of [ABORTION].

Make no mistake, then - the Supreme Court is no longer the Supreme Court of past fame. It is now the National Abortion Tribunal, and its members are no longer jurists, they are the Keepers of the Abortion Toggle Switch.


]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]Fig. 1A. Abortion Toggle Switch, closed.
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]Suction motors will engage.

As we can see from the schematic diagram above, the Abortion Toggle Switch is currently in the closed (ON) position. The entire purpose of the so-called Supreme Court, as current wisdom understands that purpose, is to stare at this switch all day wondering whether they should play with it or not.

Now this is a sad state for this once-great court to have fallen to, and makes me wonder if we don't need another court to assume the neglected responsibilities of the current one. Then the Abortion Toggle Switch could be moved to some remote corner of the public's attention, and the various abortion partisans could play their endless game of Keep Away without buggering up the entire constitutional process.

However, this would require amending the constitution itself, with all attendant fuss. The simpler course is to push for Roe V. Wade to be overturned, so that the Supreme Court can get out of the abortion business. And stay the hell out of the abortion business, forever.

At once the Pro-Choice legions arise in anguish, complaining that they will never be able to survive the savage Darwinian environment of American politics without the protection of Roe V. Wade. Well, cry me a freaking river. It's about time that you gelatinous sob sisters learned to paddle your own canoe. If you haven't got the guts to make it in the real world, you'll have to use something other than the United States Constitution as an artificial life support system.

If you believe in it, go out and fight for it in the state houses and the legislatures, like an American. If you can't handle it, go practice on some more elementary front of the culture war, and get yourselves trained up. Sisters are supposed to be doing it for themselves, you pussies.