The Angel of Death, and What Junior Told Him

-----When Junior was a young man, he fell in love. And she loved him, and together they made plans to marry, raise a large family, and prosper to the end of their days.
-----But events intervened, and plans were changed beyond recognition, and time took the color out of their dreams. In the end Junior married another, and tolerated fifteen years of unhappy coexistence and financial misery. When this union went asunder, Junior thought he would get a second chance at everything he had hoped for.
-----But he never got everything he hoped for. He got as much as he could get, but he never recaptured the happiness and ambition of his younger days, and he never reunited with the woman he loved. Yet, he never gave up thinking that he might. But time marched relentlessly on, and life dwindled, and one day the Angel of Death came to get William “Junior” Kay.

-----Needless to say, this didn’t go as planned, either. He’d only been admitted to the tiny county hospital two days earlier, with abdominal pains that were sudden but not overly severe. The doctor hadn’t even come up with a diagnosis yet. Junior expected that they’d send him down to the VA hospital for more tests. He certainly didn’t figure that he’d just up and die in the meantime. So it didn’t seem quite fair when the angel showed up and starting hanging around his room, like an old-fashioned bill collector.
-----At first Junior thought the angel must have come to get the guy in the other bed. Hell, the guy in the other bed was in some kind of coma half the time and breathing through a respirator all of the time. Practically as good as dead already. But the angel didn’t even look at the son of a bitch. It was obvious who he wanted. He planted his dark gaze square on Junior, like a dog on a bag of Purina, and he folded his arms, leaned against the wall, and waited.
-----Which was pretty rude. Why couldn’t the bastard wait out in the hall until Junior was finished? Not that he felt like he was dying. He didn’t feel any pain. He’d eaten breakfast, and he felt pretty comfortable lying there in his bed. Yet there the angel was, so apparently this was it.
-----“‘Hell are you looking at?” he said finally, unable to contain his annoyance any longer. “You waiting for me to do something?”
-----The angel’s eyebrow went up a fraction of an inch. “Are you talking to me?”
-----“Well, I’m looking at you, ain’t I?”
-----“Can you see me?”
-----“Yeah, of course I can. Why, ain’t I supposed to?”
-----“With your eyes, you can see me?”
-----“What else would I see you with?” Junior said, getting really irritated now.
-----“Interesting.” The angel stared at Junior for a while, since Junior was so interesting. “What do I look like to you?”
-----“You look like a cop. That suit is a cop suit if I ever saw one. You used to be a homicide detective, maybe?”
-----“No,” the angel said. “So you can see me. Interesting. You know who I am, though, right?”
-----“Yeah,” Junior said, and sighed. “I guess so.”
-----The angel looked at him for a long time, maybe waiting to see if Junior would do another neat trick, then he kind of shrugged and leaned back against the wall again. Waiting.
-----“You didn’t answer my question,” Junior said. “Am I not supposed to see you? You supposed to be invisible or something?”
-----“It is very rare, but some of you can see us,” the angel answered. “Maybe a lot of you can, but you’re just afraid to say so. I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter, anyway.”
-----“Afraid, my ass,” Junior snorted. “I was a Marine in Vietnam, mister. You think I’m scared of you?”
-----“How should I know? I can’t read your mind. I have enough problems with your ridiculous animal-grunting language. But if you’re not afraid, that’s perfectly acceptable to me. I don’t expect you to be afraid. I don’t expect you to do anything at all.”
-----“Except die, right?”
-----“I suppose you don’t even have to do that, exactly,” the angel said. “That’ll just happen.”
-----“Are you going to kill me yourself?”
-----“No. I’ve killed more of you people than you could count, and if I had come to kill you, you would discover what fear is. But there’s no need for that. That feeble body of yours is going to kill you, and then you’ll come with me. So don’t be afraid.”
-----“Hah! Thanks. You’re real comforting.”
-----“You’re welcome,” the angel said. Junior couldn’t tell whether the guy meant it, or whether he was being a smartass. But now the angel was checking out the cheap framed picture that hung on the wall, obviously finding it much more interesting than the conversation.
-----“Hey, mister ... whatever your name is,” Junior said quietly. “What if I decide I don’t want to die?”
-----“That’s not your decision to make. Don’t be ignorant.” The angel turned to look at him again. “Are you doing it now?”
-----“Doing what?”
-----“You know. Dying. Are you doing it right now?”
-----“Hell if I know. You tell me. Aren’t you guys supposed to be experts?”
-----“We don’t know what death is like,” the angel said. “We know what pain is like. Is it painful to die?”
-----Junior sighed. “If I’m dying right now, I guess it isn’t painful.”
-----“What about sorrow? Is dying sorrowful?”
-----“Ah, shut up. I don’t ... I don’t want to think about no sorrow. What are you asking me these questions for? You in a hurry or something?”
-----“What do you mean?”
-----“You been waiting there a long time. Maybe next time you ought to show up on schedule so you don’t have to wait around.”
-----The angel frowned and thought for a moment. “I don’t understand what you people mean when you talk about time. It doesn’t mean the same thing to you that it does to us, and it’s confusing. But take all the ‘time’ you want. I’m not in a hurry.”
-----“Thanks, that’s real generous of you.”
-----“You’re welcome.”
-----“How come you don’t know about death, and time, an’ things like that? Aren’t you guys supposed to be perfect and all-knowing and stuff?”
-----“You’re ignorant. Only God is perfect in all things. Even you people are supposed to understand that. Those of us who serve him --- excluding you people of course --- those of us who serve him, each of us is perfect in a different way, but in one respect only.”
-----“Oh, yeah? What are you perfect at?” Being a wiseass, probably.
-----“Obedience,” the angel answered. “I take all who are called. I take Marines, I take babies from their cradles, I take brides from their wedding beds. I take all I am sent to take, and if necessary I cut them down myself. I do not question why this is. Sometimes I feel sorrow when I take them, yet I obey. In this respect, I am without fault.”
-----“You sound like some kind of Nazi from Outer Space.”
-----“I don’t know what that ignorant remark means, but if you mean it to be a complaint, you have no right to complain. I don’t know what death is, but I know it is your fate, and your just reward, as well. All of you have to die, and you know it.”
-----“Yeah, I guess you got me there, buddy.” Junior thought for a moment. “The wages of sin is death, right? That’s what you’re talking about, right?”
-----“Of course.” The angel shook his head, feeling real sorry for Junior. “If you know that, why do you speak with such ignorance? Always you people talk as if words meant nothing. As if you had no knowledge at all.”
-----“You don’t seem to think much of us people,” Junior said gloomily. “I bet you enjoy your job.”
-----“I don’t enjoy taking you, because I know it is punishment, and makes you unhappy. It is sorrowful, at times, to take you from your lives, because we see a poor reflection of ourselves in you. You are so like us --- except for your weakness, rebelliousness, and ignorance, of course --- you look so much like us that we can’t help sympathizing with you somewhat. I don’t understand why you’re not just left where you are, where you can do no more harm than you have already done. But it is my duty, and I obey.”
-----“You just follow orders, right?”
-----“I perform what is right and just. You people ought to try doing likewise. Besides, you deserve it, as you said yourself. By your own actions you have condemned yourselves, and it is because of you that I must carry out this task. Because of you, my kind has been called to perform incredible deeds, and fight wars that you cannot begin to imagine. Because of your stupidity, and your disobedience, and your diseased animal behavior, even God Himself sacrificed for you! Do you have any idea how outrageous that is? Our hearts still burn for it, and our eyes still weep. And all you do is complain, and talk your arrogant monkey chatter! With Satan’s greasy fingerprints all over your filthy ragged souls. Outrageous! You disgust me.”
-----“Okay, mister,” Junior said weakly. He felt awfully tired now, and when he swallowed it went down hard, like a handful of lug nuts. “I get your meaning. I’m sorry about that Nazi crack. I’m ... sorry about everything, I guess. I never meant to do anything really bad in my life. Never did anything illegal bad, but I never did much good either, I guess. I meant to do a lot of good things, but I couldn’t do ‘em for some reason. Guess I can’t blame you for getting disgusted. I suppose I’m just another sorry asshole. And I suppose this ain’t no dream ... this ain’t a dream, is it?”
-----The angel glared at him for a couple of minutes, obviously still pissed, then he relaxed and shrugged. “Don’t ask me ignorant questions about dreams. I don’t even know what a dream is.”
-----“You don’t? Everybody ought to know that. Dreams is two things, see. It’s one thing when you’re awake, and it’s another thing when you’re asleep. The dreams I had awake ... them dreams, they just make me sad now. All full of things I wanted and didn’t get. A home all my own, a home with Jane, and our kids ... boys ‘n girls ... and all the stuff that Jane could want, all the stuff that could make her happy. Damn it, them dreams just hurt now. Hurt all the way down inside ...”
-----“Well, stop it, then,” the angel suggested. “Or at least stop talking about it, it’s pathetic.”
-----“The other dreams is better,” Junior went on. Sure the angel had told him to shut up, but Junior would be all shut up for good soon enough. “The other dreams were always better for me, in the end. Dang, ain’t that something .... The other dreams were better, ‘cause sometimes I had what I wanted in those. I had that home, and there was Jane in a summer dress, with the kids learnin’ how to garden from her, and how to say their alphabet and stuff, and all the golden sunshine you ever saw. Golden sunshine on an early morning, after a night of cool rain.”
-----“That doesn’t even make sense. You just said you didn’t have any of those things.”
-----“Well, it wasn’t for real, you know. It was just dreams in my sleep, it wasn’t real. Oh, God, it sure was better than the real stuff for me. In the end.”
-----“It sounds ignorant and ridiculous to me,” the angel said. “First you say one thing, then you say the opposite. But then, I know that many of you people are insane. This means that your minds do not function. Are you insane?”
-----“No, man. If I was crazy, maybe I wouldn’t feel so damn bad.”
-----“I suspect that all of you are insane, and that you do it on purpose, because it is one more way for you to be disobedient, and to mock the God who bled for you. Like the ignorant, blithering, dung-flinging monkeys you truly are.”
-----“Yeah, mister, whatever you wanna think. But you know what? You don’t know every damn thing, and you said so y’rself.” Junior felt like he was crying now, crying deep down inside. Or maybe he was bleeding. Maybe both. “I ain’t mocking God. If I ever mocked God, then damn me for doing it, but I ain’t doing it now. ‘Cause ... ‘cause I just realized something.”
-----The angel frowned and folded his arms, bracing himself for whatever ignorant crazy thing Junior was going to say next. “And you’re going to tell me, I suppose.”
-----“‘Cause I read the Bible some, when I was a kid. Bet you didn’t know that.”
-----“I know what the Bible is!” The angel’s eyes flashed, but only for a second. He leaned toward the bed, looking close at Junior. He was really curious now, Junior could tell he was. “What is written in the Bible? Is it forbidden for you to tell it?”
-----“Huh? Oh ... hell, I dunno. Nah, I don’t think so ...”
-----“Then tell it!”
-----“Okay, simmer down ... I can’t tell all of it, ‘course. I don’t know all of it, but right at the start of it there ... right at the start, there was Adam an’ Eve. In the Garden of Eden. This Garden of Eden, it was ...”
-----“I know what it is, you fool! Just tell me what is written. Don’t get it all mixed up with your ignorant monkey explanations.”
-----“Man, I ain’t going to tell you nothing, ‘less you shut up for a minute!”
-----“Very well.” The angel backed off, leaning against the wall again. “I will be silent, if you will tell.”
-----“Well, God, he put Adam in this Garden of Eden. An’ this was such a good place ... if you know what it is I guess you know what I’m talking about. And God, he put Eve there, too. And he give ‘em everything that could make ‘em happy forever. There was love there, and happiness, happiness forever. Just because that’s how God wanted it, I guess.”
-----“Hah!” The angel leaned forward and smacked the metal rail on Junior’s bed with the palm of his hand, making it rattle. “I know of this! Everyone knows of this, but I saw this thing with my own eyes! But there is more written in the Bible, isn’t there? I suppose you didn’t read the next part, did you? Because you were too ashamed!”
-----“Shut up! I did too read it. I was gonna tell you, if you wouldn’t interrupt so much.”
-----“Tell it, then, but I warn you. I saw this thing with my own eyes. So don’t try to lie, and change things all around, like you people always do.”
-----“Humph. Good thing you don’t teach Sunday School, Mister Hark-the-Herald ... whatever your name is. Why don’t you let me tell it, then call me a liar if you want? Guess I’ll just make it short, before you attack me or something ... Adam and Eve, they --- they screwed it all up. They threw all that happiness away, just because they had to disobey and ruin things, like a couple of dumb teenagers. The most beautiful life there ever was, and they tore it all up in God’s face. And he sent ‘em out of it, ‘cause it was nothing but an empty dream, after what they done. If God can be heart-broke, that’s what he must of been.”
-----“Are those the actual words that are written?” the angel asked, looking doubtful.
-----“No, man, but give me a break. I can’t remember all the words, just the story.”
-----“I didn’t think that those were the true words. And I’m certain there could be no nonsense about dreams written there. As I said at the time --- Is it written in the Bible what I said at the time?”
-----“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
-----“I’m certain that what I said is written in there, and you neglected to read all of it. Nevertheless ... so far as I can understand your words, you spoke the truth, and did not lie.”
-----“I ain’t done speaking.”
-----“Oh, yes, many more wicked things were done afterwards. No doubt your kind is proud of them. More love was scorned, and more beauty laid to utter ruin. Tell on, please. But do not tell the part where you did the most unspeakable crime of all, or my rage might burn these walls to dust ---”
-----“I’m not gonna tell you any more about the Bible. It gets you all worked up. I’m gonna tell you what I realized, while we was talking. What the hell, maybe I won’t tell ya. You want to hear it, or not?”
-----The angel closed his eyes and sighed. “All right. For some reason, you have been given time to say it, so I will hear it.”
-----“Maybe I’ve got it all wrong, maybe I’m just screwed up. But I think that all those things I dreamed about, all those things I wanted ... I think that was stuff that God wanted, too. You know? F’r whatever reason --- never mind why --- God wanted that stuff. He wanted that happiness to exist, and that love to exist, and that’s why he showed it to me. An’ it was like he said, just give me that. Just that. And I didn’t get it for him. I broke Jane’s poor heart instead, and then I ruined another woman’s life, too, and there was no reason for it at all. Every damn bit of it was nothing but my own stupid fault. I couldn’t ever admit it before, but that’s just how it was ---”
-----Junior had to stop then, because he’d been looking up at the yellow plaster ceiling as he talked, and now he caught a glimpse of the angel’s face out of the corner of his eye. It turned his blood cold to see the expression that was on it. Junior’s scalp bunched up, and he couldn’t breathe for a minute. Not on his worst day in Vietnam had he even seen anything as terrifying as that.
-----But then the angel stirred, and seemed to calm down. “That’s all you have to say?”
-----“Yes. Yes, sir.”
-----“Tell me the rest, and I promise I won’t be angry.”
-----“I got no more to tell. Y’can get as mad as you want. Kill me, if you want.”
-----“But that’s outrageous! There has to be more!” The angel leaned over the bed, moving so fast he was just there in a blink, his eyes glaring like they could burn holes right into Junior’s face. “Don’t be silent now, you ape, I won’t hurt you, but I have to understand!”
-----“Understand what, f’r crying out loud? Don’t look at me like that, I can’t take it ...”
-----“The God who gave you your life, gave you the air that you breathe, who suffered unimaginable things for you ... He asked you for this simple little thing.”
-----“Yeah ...”
-----The angel swept out his arms so fast that the breeze tore a Dairy Queen calendar right off the wall. “He did not ask you to draw a sword against a host of rebel angels, or tear a fortress from its roots, or kill a hundred wicked kings. Nothing difficult like that. Oh, no. He asked you for this easy little thing, a thing which was right in front of you, a thing which you had the power to give to him without any effort at all. A thing that you could give and still possess, a thing that you wanted yourself. A tiny happy bubble in all your ocean of human filth and depravity, a momentary spark in all the vast caverns of space, with no meaning or value to it all except that it would please him, like a little jewel. He showed that to you and he asked you for it, and you said no.”
-----“I ... I didn’t mean it like that, but yessir, I guess I did.”
-----“I would call you worse than Adam, but you are all so contemptible that I can’t tell one from the other. Why did you do it? Why?”
-----“I don’t know. I got no excuse.”
-----“Aren’t you ashamed?”
-----“Oh, yes. Oh, you better believe I am, mister. I would ask him ... I would ask him to forgive me for what I done to him, an’ to Jane, an’ to all the people I let down, if I wasn’t so ashamed.”
-----“If you weren’t so arrogant, you mean.”
-----“I ain’t arrogant. I’m saying it, I’m sorry. Can he hear me still? If he can’t --- I dunno, can you tell him?”
-----The angel straightened up suddenly, a thoughtful look on his face. “I see, I see ... I understand it now. There was a purpose in this. You were meant to say these things, and I was meant to hear them. Interesting.”
-----Junior felt something hot inside him now, a burning sensation in his middle. It wasn’t painful, but he was numb. He tried to move his foot, but he couldn’t.
-----“I was a soldier when the world and the stars were nothing but a swarm of gas,” the angel went on. “I’ve never understood mercy, or why anyone should be allowed to have it. But if it pleases God to give mercy to the likes of you, then it must be a worthy thing. I wonder why that has been revealed to me after all these ages? I must have some exceptional duty to perform soon, that requires this knowledge ... Strange that I should learn it from talking to one of you. Perhaps there’s a lesson in that, as well.”
-----“Huh ...”
-----“Here’s a lesson for you in return, little son of Adam. Do you see how your miserable failure is turned to a fresh purpose? How the misdeeds of a feeble little lump of clay like you can somehow forge a new barb to sink in Satan’s hide?”
-----“Uh huh ...”
-----“That is why the King of Righteousness rules, while the snake crawls in the dirt. Don’t you ever forget it.”
-----“No sir, I sure won’t. Feel ... feel kind of cold now. Hey. Hey, that clock just stopped.”
-----The angel glanced at the big plastic clock on the wall, where the second hand stood frozen. Ten seconds after noon.
-----“No, the clock has not stopped.” The angel looked down at Junior again and shook his head. “You have stopped. Sorry.”
-----“That’s okay.” Junior sat up. “I feel better already.”
-----“Good. But you have to come with me now, you know.”
-----“Yeah, I know. Are you going to take me to Hell, mister?”
-----“No, but I’m going to take you away from here. Where you go afterwards is not my decision to make.”
-----“I guess I’ll just go wherever God wants me to go, now.”
-----“That is a good place to go,” the angel said, nodding. “That is where I go always, so maybe I’ll see you again. You know, I think I’ve learned another lesson. You people are not so different from us, after all. You can do one perfect thing.”
-----“What’s that?”
-----“You all die, and stop doing harm. And not one of you ever fails at this.”
-----Junior shrugged. “Nothing to it. Glad to help out however we can.”
-----“What an interesting experience this has been.”
-----“Yes sir,” Junior had to agree. “This has been quite a day.”